Like most men, my husband has a remote control radar which enables him to instantly find the one TV channel in many hundreds displaying any kind of female nudity, which he does with great enthusiasm. Bikini sessions and beach volleyball being favourites or what he calls ‘educational and interesting’ as part of his sales spiel as to why he should be allowed to watch them. Whilst doing his usual and highly irritating channel hopping I was suddenly faced head on with 2 giant unflattering boobs whist a narrator spoke candidly about all the different shapes, sizes, perkiness etc of women’s breasts - no age discrimination in this programme, though to an extent I would have been less disturbed if they had.
Whilst I sat there having just eaten I couldn’t help but be taken in by this never ending display of ‘assets’. It seriously made me believe that seeing my dinner for the 2nd time would actually be far more appealing and prettier to look at. Now I know you cannot expect everyone to look the same, to look after themselves the same nor to have Mr Gravity treat them all equally, but seriously why would you get your bits out on TV when you look like you have a pair of giant flaps hanging down to your waist, that with no word of a lie you could actually tie in a knot.
I really am very appreciative of the human body, more so the male anatomy actually but in support of my husbands affection for all things ‘titty’ I tried to have a look. I spent most of the time in shock or naivety probably about how awful you could look naked if you are one of the unlucky ones. I am certainly no oil painting and pity everyone who has ever or will ever see me minus clothing, but if I looked like some of these women I will not be hesitant about paying for a full LA body lift, botox or lipo suction. One of the clear signs I think for getting older is the whole crinkly cleavage situation which quite frankly would be better safely tucked away. I’m all for feeling sexy and good about yourself no matter what, growing old gracefully if you choose and not caring what other people think (which is a great thing), just as long as there has been a little consideration for others first, for I may be in the same situation in years to come I am sure!
After grappling and grovelling for the remote to gain back MY control, I used my very own ‘remote radar’ to track down something hunky and good looking… Brad Pitt was much better. Husband quietly sloped off to bed!
