If there is ever a down side to being married (other than normal quirks as I like to call them), it is being married to the husband’s family. Yep the in-laws (in the spirit of all things equal, his in-laws are great and doesn’t make for much reading). The word in-law to most people would be enough to bring on the chest pains and desperation for air, but mine really are something else.

Let me start with the immediate family. The sister - had a record attendance at school, so much so the teachers forgot who she was. She discovered men at the age 10 and to cut a long story short, was on her way to having 3 kids by different Dad’s towards the end of her teens and has given them names only bullies can dream of - they will have tough lives. Trained as a hairdresser, falls for druggies and losers and has never reached half her potential. Shame.

The Mother – bit crazy, goes from crisis to crisis, can hold down a job for about 6 months as long as it doesn’t involve working more than 16 hours a week because it can get far too stressful; would rather ask us for money as an easy way out. She’s been married many times, announced recently the next marriage (was waiting to hear whether we are paying for it!), but then that was cancelled, but nearly back on, who knows? Most romantic present she ever received from a husband – a converted ambulance to go on a caravan holiday 20 minutes down the road.

The Dad – seems reasonable enough, can’t get to find out anything about him as the most he has ever been able to speak in front of me is ‘d’ya wanna cuppa?’. At least I think that’s what he was saying – I have trouble understanding the mumbles under the moustache. I think I scare him. He’s a very quiet individual, wife speaks for him, never finishes anything he starts (in more ways than one his wife says) and generally lacks any passion for anything, oh except his roll ups.

Step family – Generally know very little about them. Been with my husband for nearly 9 years and can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve seen them. The Mum seems a nice lady, doesn’t speak much either and is always shopping so never there when we make our annual trip to Gloucestershire. She has a couple of kids from a previous marriage, in short one got a paper round, the other got banged in the US for drug smuggling. The 2 from her current marriage with Dad are good boys. Actually finished school you know and now getting jobs down the local chippy!

I actually do really appreciate my in-laws, their lives are fascinating, like something straight out of Walford. The part of Gloucestershire they live in means they are mostly inbred, don’t need to travel more than 2 miles to get everything they need, everyone knows everyone (mainly because in some way they are all related!) and the place hasn’t changed for about 200 years including the interior décor. Could seem pretty quaint and village like you may think – if it wasn’t for the invention of shell suits and cheap buggies you could be mistaken for believing it. It’s a little twilight zone!