Sorted!

When I look back at the career path I managed to find myself on, I often wonder how I got here, well more importantly how I stay here. Then I remember that it’s mainly due to 3 things (1) I am nosy and like to know what's going on (2) I find people fascinating, intriguing and sometimes unfathomable and (3) people can always surprise me. You think you know someone and then they do something or say something which can totally change your opinion. This I find challenging and have learnt a lot of lessons. I am naturally sceptical and suspicious of most people when they do something nice. It’s going back to that old belief really where there is no such thing as an unselfish act. I don’t completely agree with this however, I am not that untrusting of people. I have had some experiences though which would warrant such suspicion.

I find people so amazing. Why are we so individualistic, why do we do, think and behave so differently when fundamentally we are all the same? Why do some people annoy the hell out of me, but don’t to other people I’m friends with? What makes some people click and others not? All interesting questions, all have answers but you’ll pleased to know I am not going to answer them now!

This leads me onto something quite nicely… Some people wind me up big time!! You know what it’s like, you already establish they are idiots (OK quite a harsh word but you get the point) and that you will never really get on. Then, everything they do seems to add to the irritation – like the way they put sugar in their tea, the way they organise their file, the way they walk and talk etc. I am pretty good at tolerating most people and will give everyone the time of day, but on occasions making even the slightest bit of effort that isn’t reciprocated (because they are idiots as established earlier), just becomes such too big an effort that in the end ignorance seems bliss. I can’t stand the false smiles, the pretending to be interested in something especially dull. All very annoying, but part of being human I guess!

This now leads me on to talking about bull*hit bingo. The corporate bull*hit that seems to rear its head, mainly in meetings. There is usually a good meaning behind the lingo (if you dig real deep), but why speak this way just because you are in a 15 by 15 room? Is it to make you look more knowledgeable than you really are, to sound more intelligent than you are? What’s it all about? Again something else I find particularly irritating, but incredibly funny. Like the ‘Mushroom Manager’ the bull*hit bingo term for someone that keeps their team in the dark and feeds them *shit!! Classic, but I bet everyone has worked for one (I don’t currently by the way, do I?!!).

My approach in life has always been to just get on, do it quietly and slip away in the background and it has taken me a long time of being beaten down and bullied by previous managers to actually feel like occasionally I can have a say. It doesn’t come naturally, I’m not particularly vocal, I say it if it really needs to be said as opposed to wanting to just be heard for saying something. I’m not an attention seeker and I’m not very loud but I do want to be listened to. I probably don’t really get noticed as I am generally quiet, but I am quiet because I am busy and just get on with it. Unlike the few people that fall into the bull*hit bingo type characters, I do it rather than talk about it. Does this need to change? Is this wrong because it may be right? Does it make me any less worthy or any less capable? Is it fair to be criticised for that? Should I care what others think about me? Should I do what feels right and learn alternatives? Hmm, all very valid points I’m sure. Answers on a postcard please!

Do you know what is really great though other than the fact it is the weekend? I am proud of my introverted quiet mojo. I take my job seriously. I take my home life seriously. I care deeply about many people and to end on a controversial note – there are some men out there that need to really appreciate what they have in their lives and castration IS a viable option!

In keeping with the branding stuff of the large corporate that I work for it was decided that the wider management team (at least I think that’s who it was!) were all invited to a ‘blue sky’ meeting which involved a bit of work and let’s face it, a bit of a jolly in the evening. This also meant that we were fortunate enough to be allowed out of Hertfordshire to enable the creative juices to flow (yeck), the vocalisation of woes, change and all good things. So off we all trotted to that sunny place way op noorrrrth called Doxford Business Park. Exotic.

So anyway, most people in their infinite wisdom thought that getting a train there would be the sensible thing to do, but oh no, my boss and I thought driving would be much better… her wanting to show off her car and all, so that’s what we did, plus one other tucked up cosy in the back with a duvet and basically all the other crap that wouldn’t fit in the boot!

The journey started at 5.30am from the office and off we set for the 4 hour drive. Started out pretty well as it was still rather dark, we were a bit sleepy, but not to worry my boss was driving… and talking and did I mention the talking…. Huh, well being with JPR herself led to some interesting finds, like no peace and quiet, stories of weird things, music written five thousand years ago, CD’s that looked like they were once buried, buttons in the car that she didn’t know how to use etc, but otherwise until the sun came up is was uneventful. I don’t know what it is, perhaps the serotonin set in or something and the 3 of us perked slightly, or not as by this point I was incredibly irritated by being bored.

The ‘OK American Diners’ were about as entertaining as it got until there was screeching at the last second and a left handbrake turn as we pulled into one. Unfortunately for Steph in the back JPR had parked right over the biggest lake of a puddle she could find and consequently ended in rather wet feet, but not to worry will be in a warm diner in a few mins. Well we would have been if it hadn’t been closed. Though this was actually a blessing in disguise as 2 minutes later this creature from the blue lagoon turned up for work ready to start cooking with fag in hand and crotchless pants. OK, I didn’t really see that much of her, but you get the idea. Not sure where she came from as the last time I looked the A1 wasn’t known for quality housing, perhaps she was sleeping rough in the shed? Who knows, but food poisoning was marginally spared.

Continuing the journey in this lovely new car with suede seats… suede seats, uh oh trouble on the horizon, the clumsiest person in the world owns this car and fortunately was driving this car and couldn’t see what was going on in the back!! Cough cough. Anyway Steph got bored too and thought she would try and burrow her way into the boot from the back seat whilst in transit to grab her magazine. However, what she thought was an armrest actually wasn’t and half the back seat ended up in her arms to later find out that actually it was a ski hole or something equally ridiculous. Why would you go skiing in a convertible in the first place – bit nippy isn’t it?? So that was hilarious seeing as it took 2 of us half an hour to figure out how to put it back together – think it may still be broken….! But do not despair hunger set in, a Little Chef beckoned and all was quickly forgotten.

Food – well that was an interesting one for the 2 days. My boss is pretty tiny actually but she did teach me a biological lesson which was that your stomach really can stretch. I mean reaaalllllly stretch. You wouldn’t believe what this little thing can pack away in there. I don’t think I could have consumed so much food in a week let alone in practically one day. It could put the most ambitious of eaters to shame. Apparently she has a northern disease where passing north of the Watford Gap means she can be hungry and eat all day with limitless calorie consumption. Any excuse!

So belly suitably full from the Little Chef meant we had to press on to be at our destination by 10.30am, more importantly to get there before everyone else who went on the train to avoid the smugness on our arrival. This brought a little beast out in my boss actually. I wasn’t surprised by this as mostly she is a beast, but this was a different breed of beast. A smug, told you so, competitive, drive ridiculously fast kind of beast. The weather soon put a downer on that when the heavens literally did open and we were stuck for a good 5 miles in the worst rain I have seen in years. She soon made up for that when the clouds had passed. We made out target to get there with 3 minutes to spare, coffee in hand then the rest arrive. Hah, that told them. Carbon footprint my bottom!

Finally the crowd was altogether and the blue sky thinking could come out. La de da de dah, chit chat, objectives, change….. and it’s off to the hotel! We all checked in, boss asked for a smoking room, I think really in the hope of being cool and inviting her boss in for a sharing cigarette session or something! That plan back fired as she ended up with a tiny little room whilst I had what looked like the presidential suite. Nice, that’s how it should be me thinks!

So we all met in the bar before going to the restaurant for dinner, after a pint of wife beater my boss was suitably pumped up and the next pint delivered what really did look like a sample. She made this point quite loudly and unknown to her, the bar maid heard her which we were told about on arrival back to the bar later and resulted in a whole barrel changing saga and a few stern looks. She’ll get over it, off to get more food.

The restaurant was pretty cool, pretty empty too. In fact, it was empty, apart from the 9 of us shoved down to the basement. We got off to a bad start with the waitress who seemed to be all geared up for waiting on 12 of us and the harsh reality of only having to serve 9 seemed tough for her to accept, so she made reference to this the entire night. Annoying.

This place was very nice but quite dungeon like, almost as if you have been innocently lured into a slaughter house with the expectation of not knowing what might be lurking. I needed the toilet and as women do, we have to visit the loo in pairs at the very least. I wouldn’t have minded but my not stop eating boss decided to come too (stunned that she prised herself away from the food) and in the next loo she really let one go! She claims she was blowing her nose but I’m not sure I believed her. All that food needs to process and go somewhere right?! Preferably not in the loo next to me however! Overall it was a great night, we had a lot of laughs, sloped back to the hotel for a few more beers, watched the ‘elderly ones’ (not my words) go back to their room to turn in for the night. Not sure what they were expecting to turn into, they look the same in the morning, but still, the 4 toughies battled on ‘till closing time.

I had a bit of problem when getting to my room as I can’t get to sleep unless I am given a cuddle or a kiss so I only managed 2 hours sleep with the light on as the dark was way too scary! But like a trooper I battled on through the rest of today and was particularly shaken on the journey home when my lovely placid boss awoke her beast (she is female as far as I know without looking so please keep in context!). By this, I mean the rage came out when a small membered bald fat man in the car behind decided to try and get into the boot of our car in the fast lane on the A1. Not sure what he expected to find in there but it didn’t go down too well and the result was passenger whiplash, white knuckles, increased blood pressure and a promise never to set foot in a car she drives again! Coupled with the fact that for the entire journey home she spoke to us in an irritating false northern accent (though she is pretty good at it and quite funny), it did kind of have me looking forward to getting home and chilling out in a great southernly way.

Well overall, we all had a particularly great time and more importantly arrived home in one piece. After a good nights sleep I will be happy to take the piss out of my boss in the morning and indeed for the rest of the day! Gotta love her…!

I am starting to learn a lot about myself lately with things in my personal life and work actually and it is good, I think. Well I like learning about stuff and why not learn about the best subject there is… me?! Pretty good subject you’ve got to admit.

Well if you discount the whole learning to get old and going grey trauma I had recently, then my 1st learning which I have reflected on for a few months is that I have an introverted nature. OK well that wasn’t much of a learning as I already knew that, but now other people know that too, not sure why you needed to know, but bear with me. Oh yeah, my parents have gone on holiday and left us with their two fat smelly annoying cocker spaniels to look after. The reason you needed to know this is that having these 2 animals in my home in addition to my 5 cats is a bit of an invasion of my space. My own, private, precious, quiet space. I am really not happy about that. I can no longer leave work when I want, stroll in when I want, stroll out when I want. No. Now I have to go home on time, let them out, take them for a walk, feed them, play with them and give them constant attention until I wake up the next day and it starts all over again. This has led me to my 2nd learning.

2nd learning – I am very selfish with my personal time and space. Only very special people with very special invitations may enter it. That does not extend to dogs.

3rd learning – Due to my selfishness I must never have children, they will have a horrible life.

4th learning – I need to grow up, get over selfishness and deal with the fact that my friends around me are starting to grow up, get married and have babies. I am feeling the pressure. However I am at least 6 years younger than most of my friends, I’ve still got time….!

5th learning – Peer pressure sucks, but I am very strong really. A learning taken from years of watching idiots around me fall – refer to 2nd learning as to why I did nothing about it! Didn’t really know them well enough in my defence.

6th learning – I can be very kind. In fact only yesterday I immediately cleaned out the fish tank when I noticed the fish were overcome with algae and therefore no oxygen and swimming oddly. I saved their lives and they are now wobbling around quite happily.

7th learning – I like spending a lot of money, more so I like spending my husbands money. Do you know in Latin, the word husband means “source of shoes and handbags?”

8th learning – I do really like a lot of people and there are some fabulous people out there that I have had the pleasure to meet and build relationships with. 3 years ago, I wouldn’t have said that.

9th learning – (for fear of generalisation I am only referring to connections with my husband and his immediate family from a party attended at the weekend). In Gloucestershire the people all have a smell about them. I am not talking hygiene; I mean they all wear the same cheap perfume with a whiff of washing your clothes, taking them out of the dryer, leaving them on the side and then smoking right next to it. You know what I mean, that musty stale cigarette aroma where you can smell it a mile off. It ain’t attractive.

10th learning – People really can fall off chairs when sitting still. Seriously, witnessed first hand today when in mid conversation a colleague of mine plummeted head first to the floor, and no she was not fainting. Perhaps the gravitational force varies in certain parts of the office – maybe a scientific learning here that I was unaware of! Forget changes in the magnetic field, perhaps strange occurrences are more to do with gravity instead… Huh, there could be money in this if I can prove it, would put a stop to Yvette Fielding and her scary TV. I can see some experiments coming up, namely around throwing inanimate objects around the office to see where (or on whom) they land… hey, all in the name of science.

Anyway, as you can see I have been learning a lot of things. This isn’t all of them, as clearly I learn tons everyday! However, another learning is to try and keep my blogs shorter as I waffle too much. Mmm, waffles….

Well whilst there are a lot of things happening in my life at the moment, I think my body is starting to show some signs of stress, which I am going to have to face up to. Speaking of stress, I had a call out of the blue today from a girl (aka weird married freak that had a bit of a crush on me) I used to work with who has set up her own business and wanted to tell me all about it. Not quite sure why, never been interested in anything she had to say and I didn’t make much effort to hide it. I think she maybe thought I was playing hard to get or something! I was just praying she wasn’t going to ask me whether I would be interested in working with her because I’m not quite sure what I would have said to that one. F*ck off springs to mind, but of course I am way too professional to say that! Fortunately she didn’t ask, but showed an unnatural interest in whether I was happy at work currently and that she would keep in frequent contact with me. Great. How do I get rid of her now? I’m gonna be stalked forever.

Anyway I’m spending a lot of the weekend with my best friend and on Monday we are going to Champney’s, so I decided for a long weekend I would take half a day off work today to meet her for lunch. I think she ate too many chips as she just called me to say that when she went back to work after meeting me, she got into her office, caught her heel in the hem of her trousers which put pressure on the seam and the nice black trousers split to reveal her white knickers!! I haven’t laughed so much in ages. Bearing in mind she is a ‘highly professional’ solicitor with clients visiting regularly, she had to lock herself in her office, pull down the blinds and stay in there until someone came back to her with a sewing kit from the town! Brilliant!

So back home from the lunch fun I have the house to myself whilst my husband is away on a golfing tournament overnight. Perfect opportunity for catching up on me time, contemplating my navel and all that and then tragedy strikes. An hour into my alone time I had a look at my hair and discovered what really shouldn’t be there, aaaahhhhhh a grey hair….. OH MY GOD!!

OK so I am somewhat in distress and immediately call my hairdressers to see whether within 30 minutes they can fit me in for highlights! No, no appointments free but they could cut it for me. Didn’t really want to tell them that it is to cover my ageing tired manky grey hair… this can’t be happening, I can’t be ageing. This is what happens when you work see, I knew I should have been a lady of leisure.

The lack of a hair appointment was quite disturbing in itself, then I receive a call from my boss. I thought I had better answer the phone to her this time, so I confided my hair stress to her (which immediately went around the office!) and of course the natural reaction is not one of sympathy and comfort, but to ask me whether I found it upstairs or downstairs!! JESUS, I am shocked that I could find one upstairs, the thought of turning grey downstairs has never even occurred to me. S*it, what do you do then, can’t really take a trip to the salon for that one. Will ‘Just for Men’ do it, boot polish, I don’t know, oh God does this really happen, does it mark the end of sex life too?! This is my naiivety to the world of ageing, clearly she is an experienced veteran in the old greying both ends situation but I didn’t want to labour the point... Balding isn’t appealing either so that was no extra comfort! This afternoon will now see me Googling ageing and seeing what other major delights I will find on my quest to becoming wise.

Ageing tragedy aside I had another one of those dreams in the early hours last night which hangs around with you all day. In my dream I was very heavily pregnant with just 2 weeks left to go and remember being in a lot of pain in my dream as this alien inside me was wriggling about. I was walking around with my hand under my belly to support it - I think I was about to go into labour. Well in this dream I saw one of my hiring managers that I haven’t seen for a while and he commented on how great I looked to be pregnant. To cut a long story short I woke up to find myself gripping my stomach as in my dream with a terrible stomach ache whilst actually having an affection for a manager that I absolutely do not (he is no ‘Emmanuel’ let me tell you). Very weird, I don’t know what it all means, I am sure there is some psycho mumbo that means I am an axe murderer at heart or something, but obviously what it really means is I am going to have an affair with this manager and he is going to get me pregnant! Clearly.

So whilst I now have the rest of the day to look forward to on my own, I have to say that I really am not enjoying it. The theory sounds great, but in reality, what do I do? I told myself I wouldn’t do any house work and just focus on relaxing, but really I have absolutely no clue how to relax. I have such an active mind that by the time I have written this, I will be terribly bored again and no doubt find some other ailment wrong with me because it will keep me occupied for another 20 minutes whilst I try and find a solution to the problem.

Hmmm, day time TV it is!