It really dawned on me first thing this morning and I have actually never really thought about this before, but I am going to be 30 very soon; OK, in 18 months, but that is very soon. As I lay awake and the cat is treading all over me like I’m not even there, I suddenly thought…. increased mortgage payments, best friends wedding, moving up the career ladder and then…. babies. All of these thoughts made me well and truly realise that I haven’t got much time to sort myself out. I used to dread turning 26, it was the worst age to be in your twenties, the realisation that you are now definitely the wrong side of 25. So when I was lying there and thought about everything, this is all going to start happening to me when I hit 30. I’m not afraid to admit that I got quite scared, even though I feel no different now to when I was 18.
Yep, so 30 is not very old, I mean in the grand whole average life expectancy thing, so what am I worried about really? It means that I will have a max of 4 years in which to have kids before I will be too old, I will need to move house to accommodate somewhere nice for the kids to grow up. No longer will we be positioning ourselves close to work, cinemas, shops, motorways, pubs. No, then it will be schools, play areas, where it is ‘nice’, no busy roads, no nasty children. I can feel my life changing before I have had the chance to even consciously really think about it. After my terrifying awakening this morning which shook me out of bed, I had to go spend money to cheer myself up again. It works every time!
So whilst I wandered around the shops with husband in tow and looking at pretty and expensive jewellery for the new engagement ring I have convinced my husband to save for, I then thought about the excitement I have for my best friends wedding. But before I talk about that, I just want to clarify here the point about a new ring. The engagement ring I have is lovely and there is nothing wrong with it, however we were at University as students when he bought it for me and is only 3 figures worth of ring. So please lets have a bit of consideration for the student budget here and why I might want a new one, with at least 4 digits! Right then…
I have been best friends with Mounia since we were 11 and she means the absolute world to me. It’s now just 2 weeks till her wedding and I can’t wait. I have booked us into a lovely hotel the night before her wedding for some girly pampering time, which happens to coincide with my husbands Birthday so I have quite a bit of ground to make up there. I can see what’s coming…. but it ain’t being dragged out for longer than a week, forget it! He will have loads more Birthdays, she will hopefully only marry the once.
So everything is pretty much ready now, the attire is waiting, cheesy DJ with his laser lights is booked, the food, placemats and little present things that go on the tables all delivered. The hand crafted menus are nearly finished, the hotel rooms are reserved, the flights from France are also booked, so it is nearly there. I will be Maid of Honour with one other bridesmaid and my husband will be an Usher. It is going to be a very multi-cultural wedding with Mounia being half Moroccan and half Italian but born and raised here, her husband is French and she also has family from Sicily coming. Not sure that I will be able to follow all of the speeches, but after a few bevvies I don’t think it will matter too much. I helped her write her speech and I was OK with that one just about. I have learnt my cues for comments and nervous laughter so it will be alright!
The hen night will be taking place the same night as the stag, 2 days before the wedding and we intend to travel down in true chav style a la Limo. My husband already has his sights on a number of strip joints for the stag, though I do seriously have to question who it is really for, but he has a one night pass and I am missing his Birthday, so I guess on this occasion I will allow it. Not sure what the hen night will have in store for us, though if Mounia is anything like she was on mine she will end up hopelessly drunk, falling down the stairs and fracturing her ankle. I think I will be taking a harness just to keep her under control – I’m sure there will be one in my cupboard somewhere!!
So moving on…. Other news, my mum has finally made it back from Spain having spent practically the last month out there and leaving my Dad at home by himself for 2 weeks of it. I was quite proud of him actually, I didn’t get one distress call, he did manage to find the kitchen and is not malnourished, the dogs have been walked and he even managed to locate and operate the washing machine for the first time in his life, with thanks to step by step directions left by mum. Dad has also now finished work from his redundancy and is joining the world of the unemployed as he has decided not to retire yet. So that’s great. Incredibly painful though when you are trying to tell a 60 year old man how to interview, how to do a CV, how to dress, to be smart, clean shoes, no stubble, smile….. God, I am losing the will to live, this has been going on for weeks now and I am getting a little tired. Fortunately though as my husband is in recruitment I am starting to handover responsibility to him. It will not do the father daughter relationship much good if it continues.
Final news, I have still got a splitting headache. I have had this thing for 7 weeks now, non stop, though it comes in waves throughout the day. I’m on an hour break at the moment I think so just enough time to play on the internet before it comes back!
I don’t know what it is, tablets just don’t touch it, so I am back to the Docs next week which I am really not looking forward to. No doubt it will now land me in some dodgy clinic with peeling paint on the walls, 50 year old plastic chairs that still carry 50 years of dirt, stuck in a waiting room with screaming badly behaved kids around me whilst I wait for a blood test. I’m terrified of all this stuff and a blood test for me is possibly the worst thing I could have done. Well, nearly. I can’t stand the sight of blood, needles, doctors or anything clinical. I have an incredibly over active imagination and I am one of the most squeamish people I have known. I can’t go to a place like this on my own. I will faint or just bottle it and not turn up.
It took me 5 weeks of agonising headaches where the light can hurt and they make me feel sick and tired constantly, just to drag myself to the Doctors in the first place. But I can’t pretend they aren’t there anymore. The main fear I think is actually really finding out what is wrong with me. What if I don’t like the results? What if I have to change my lifestyle? What if there isn’t anything medically wrong with me and I just have to live with them? What if it’s my job? Oh God, I’m really worried about it. Why can’t it just be like taking a cat to the vets, a couple of pink pills and in 3 days your fine. If I ask for a massage from my husband it carries a pay back and whilst you can get away with a headache for a few days, I can tell you it most certainly doesn’t stretch far beyond a week! I’m gonna have to be brave and sort myself out and for once in my life, act like a responsible adult. Whatever…. Do you know what I think will really help, a shopping spree!!!
