Following on from the wedding of the century, my best friend went on honeymoon to Hawaii. She called me on Thursday morning having just landed back home to organise us going to her house for dinner and a catch up. I was so pleased to have her back, I missed her so much. Naturally I couldn’t wait to see her and hear all about things and more importantly collect the gifts I knew she had bought me!
Friday night we excitedly turned up at their house, had a lovely dinner and talked for hours about what they did, what they saw, who they met etc etc. The first 2 hours of this was great, learning about a new country, drooling over the new gorgeous Gucci watch on her wrist and seeing the newly formed caveman look in her husband, who since being married for 3 weeks has let himself go and hasn’t shaven once! I thought it took at least a year to get to this point but obviously they are very advanced in their married life already!
Anyway the night continued and after dinner we went through all the wedding pictures, selected the ones we wanted which was fine, but the night turned and took a bit of a ‘One Foot in the Grave’ episode tone to it. Meaning that the initial excitement of hearing about the honeymoon progressed to looking through thousands of pictures. It is fair to say I was really glazing over, but every now and again I would hum to show my interest and engagement!
I genuinely was interested in the whole holiday thing, but I just can’t concentrate for that length of time. I must have hid it well coz then we got onto the movie section of the evening… “(Oh God) Home videos, really? Great...” I have to admit I was a little concerned about what type of videos they may have taken, so was relieved to see a volcano and lava flow. Ordinarily this would actually have been enough to heighten my interest, but by now I was way too tired to bother. I was kind of hoping by this point that we might be exposed to something a bit more risqué than a lava flow just for the shock factor. But no. 2 hours later in the home movie stakes of watching practically every piece of evening entertainment in full, I wanted to throw myself down the stairs. A trip to A&E was becoming more appealing!
Video’s finally over, we got onto the wedding gifts. My fault as I had asked what the highlights of the gifts were and whether they got a toaster! Just expecting a one line answer really to close the evening, but they didn’t see it this way. They did in fact get a traditional wedding toaster and new hubby was ordered upstairs to bring the presents down to show us. Oh no, this is at least another 60 minutes worth of chat. Well after we had seen all the presents we spoke about the 4 of us and what we will do on our looming trip together to Las Vegas in a desperate attempt to change the subject. At least this gave us something other than the wedding to talk about which after 6 months of constant conversation, I was quite pleased to see it end. Perhaps we can all renew our wedding vows in Vegas and give us a new type of wedding to discuss?! Oh please.
Getting to bed finally in the early hours of Saturday morning without a sleeping pill, I was plagued with hideous scary dreams about zombies chasing me and people being cruel to my cats. I didn’t sleep too well because of this and then had to get up early to drive to my parents. I felt like a zombie myself actually and my husband would probably say I looked like one too. Fair feedback.
Now one thing to mention is that it is winter and the mornings are very cold and very icy. Some information that a complete arsehole could have done with on our journey to my parents. We just turned out of our house and had made it to the main road when a boy racer with the car exhaust the size of my entire car was gaining quickly behind me in the distance. When he made it up close I thought it was quite amusing how he was driving with his head hanging out the window as he hadn’t bothered to de-ice the windscreen! We carried on and as I came to a roundabout I slowed down (slippery roads!) and Mr Small Penis in the car behind thought he would be really clever and undertake me as he put his foot down on the roundabout. It got him nowhere as I caught up with him at the next roundabout when he did the same again as he smirked at me and revved his engine thinking how cool he looked when he cut me up. This really angered me. As he pulled around he lost control of the car and the back end skidded out as he did an impressive 360 spin on the ice. Fortunately there was no one else on the road, he shit himself as this happened and looked absolutely terrified when the car stopped. We couldn’t help but laugh, he was incredibly embarrassed so as to respect this as I pulled off the roundabout I gratefully smirked back at him whilst giving him the finger. What a prick. Shame!
I love nothing more than when blokes with big egos are firmly put back in their place after showing off. It used to happen to me a lot when I would commute on the M25 as I would drive along at 10 mile an hour stopping intermittently and minding my own business, there would be white vans full of tradesmen going to work who would stare, whistle and generally irritate me. Do they honestly think they look good?! One morning we were going along and I was being pestered by 3 lads as we ended up stopping at the same places sitting in adjacent lanes. I was getting really pissed off as none of them were good looking and worth my effort in teasing back, but as the traffic began moving again they were so busy looking at me and not concentrating, that as the traffic stopped they didn’t react and ploughed straight into a 4x4 in front of them! It was so funny, totally the highlight of my week as the guy in 4x4 was less than impressed and got of his car to give them a mouthful. Needless to say they bowed their heads in embarrassment and the rest of my journey was a peaceful one!
I’m not sure what it is about some men, sitting behind a wheel fuels them with so much testosterone they can’t fully expel, so inflict this on everyone else. Same things happen in manual revolving doors. Ever noticed that? You will be going around with other people at a normal speed and a hard man will join and push it with such force you have to run to avoid your ankles being broken. Seriously, what is that about, what point are they trying to prove? I think we already know the real answer, check out the car they drive as an extension to something lacking if you haven’t already figured it out!
