So it is that time of year, quarter, month, week, whatever, basically that time of year when performance reviews happen at work and everyone is blocked out for 2 weeks whilst these “quality conversations” take place. Of course this is just my boss’s polite way of saying “you are so gonna get it” which puts the fear of God in me. Of course I am naturally a great employee which she will undoubtedly agree with… ahem, nudge nudge. But still, there is that deep and meaningful “QC” that needs to take place so long as I can hold back the tears and keep the razors at bay… So you would think with this brewing in the background I might try and behave, offer to buy tea, lunch, massage… alright that might be taking it too far, but an element of bribery should perhaps be featuring by now maybe? Well it’s not and still I continue to wind the handle in annoyance and back chat which to be fair she probably gets enough of at home, but I don’t have such opportunity and she is the perfect target. Roll on the review that’s what I say, I’m not scared, bring it on…!

OK so my review pending (bricking it) and reviews to conduct on my own team you could say that this year so far has not got off to a great start. All these QC’s and challenging conversations I have already had, I’ve only been back a week from a lovely break and it’s a bit of slap in the face to be honest. To add insult to injury I also offered to take some psychometric tests to try out a new recruitment process and get some feedback – as clearly I am lacking this at the minute. So now I have to go through some rather embarrassing public humiliation whilst my peers find out what a complete nut and dim wit I really am. They already knew that, it’s pretty obvious and I don’t try to hide it, but now it will be official, with an occupational psychologist stamp and everything. Alright, I am not a Head of Dept, and this will only go to prove that I am a substantial way off. Not sure 7 years work experience, no confidence and an attitude would qualify me anyway, but this will be the final nail in the coffin. Might go prepared with my P45 to save time on the way out!

Keeping to the work and psycho type theme, I got yet another call from my previous stalking ex-boss over Christmas. He was the one that was always a little over familiar, a bit ‘hands on’ and a little too keen on giving incredibly cutting and negative feedback that served no purpose than to magnify his perception of the size of his own tool. So in this phone call whilst I was off enjoying some alone time, he poured his heart out and spent 20 minutes blubbering on about how his girlfriend has cheated on him. All I could think at this point was that I was glad he was hurting, how shit it is to be on the receiving end of awful behaviour and go tell someone who cares. I didn’t say that obviously, but I really did have to contain myself. I did well to ignore the whining until I thought I should listen for a few minutes and then couldn’t help but feel sorry for what a sad and lonely life this man now leads. I feel bad that he is just one of life’s true losers. I’m not the most forgiving of people, or at least I can forgive a little, but I will never forget.

So after the blubbering and the feeling sorry for himself we ended the conversation. I received numerous texts from him and a number of phone calls over the next few days that I couldn’t ignore anymore, so I agreed to go and see him. We met at his house, where he blubbered again and felt even sorrier for himself whilst I took some pleasure in seeing this. Sadistic you might say, take pleasure at another man’s pain… absolutely! About time he got a taste of his own medicine. He has probably caused more psychological bruising to me in the last year I worked for him than I would care to truly acknowledge. This probably also extends to every other woman that has worked for him since. So the benefit for any kind of visit of this nature is that no matter how you may be feeling about your own life at that point in time, there is always someone living a much sadder self inflicted existence, wallowing in their own self loathing. Whilst unbelievably a part of me still really cares about this man, I couldn’t help feeling just a little teensy bit smug on my departure!