This year hadn’t got off to a particularly great start and then suddenly after taking me 7 years to find a role, company and team I absolutely love, in one fair swoop the whole lot is gone. Sorry guys, the department is disappearing, your roles are totally diminishing so you’ve got 90 days, starting now…..

Oh shit. Whilst I knew something was coming, I didn’t quite realise it would be this big. So here we are, back to square one. OK am I worried about having to find a new job, no not particularly, there are thousands out there I am sure one of them would suit me if I am prepared to commute for hours (which I’m not), or do something I don’t really enjoy (coz I have a huge mortgage), but what about the team? It ain’t easy to find a whole group of people you completely fit with and more importantly a boss you actually enjoy working for. Unfortunately the general nature of many HR depts I have encountered is not always one of compassion and fun, instead is generally full of people too up their own arse to even give you a second look. So leaving what is an amazing team surprisingly in an HR dept just makes me feel sick. I will never find that again.

Following the news we all went to the pub and had a group cry which I started in a domino effect when one of my hiring managers called to say he had heard, what a great job I do and how much he would miss me if I left. I couldn’t contain myself and that was it. I’ve barely stopped crying since and whilst my husband is consoling me and telling me not to worry as I will find another position, he doesn’t quite understand that it’s not about that. It’s actually about the amazing people I am blessed to work with, they are not just colleagues, they are my friends.

There is something really quite sobering about trawling through job boards, reading crappy adverts written by half wits that you are now relying on to help you find the next step in your career. I’m sitting there updating my CV, registering, filling in applications when if I am completely honest my heart is just not in it. I can see myself coming up with a hundred excuses as to why the job being presented to me is not for me, because it isn’t what I have now, and just maybe there could be a way for me to stay. I really don’t want to leave, I don’t want to manage any other team than the one I have now and I don’t want to work for a different boss. I love my boss and one of the hardest things will be having to say goodbye to her and even leaving behind some of my team to continue working with her, which is too painful to even think about and so unfair. Maybe there will be a role for me, maybe not, but whatever happens it won’t be as it was… it was great. Thank you boss!