Seems like an age since we were in Dubai now, at least a month, time really flies. What a fabulous place and a gorgeous brand new hotel, we had a great time and coming back to the cold and snow was not a pleasant surprise. Other than absolutely hating the cold, I now have a major fear of ice and snow which triggers this awful imagination of mine that can only lead to disaster… falling and seriously hurting my baby. Hideous to even think that, but I feel incredibly protective of my little bump that I refuse to go anywhere cramped where I may get knocked, pubs where you have to stand, too much dancing and I can’t lay in bed without holding an arm in front of my tummy in case a cat tries to jump on it. I know it is probably perfectly safe in its big bag of water, but can’t help but get scared for something I want more than anything in the world.
I feel very much in love with the little growth inside of me and feeling it kick last week for the first time was amazing. It isn’t particularly active yet and only very occasionally do I feel it kick now, but it is comforting to know that when all is quiet and you’re all alone, this little thing moves and the loneliness somehow disappears. It did give a bit of a kicking yesterday, I think it feels my stress when I’m upset about something which is not healthy and should be avoided. It does let me know though that nothing is truly worth worrying about because the only thing that really matters is my baby and it brings a whole new perspective. A very wise 19 week old unborn bubba, I should learn to listen to it!
It is pretty incredible to think what is going on in there and people I have even barely spoken to are oddly finding their voice to congratulate me and going out of their way to be so lovely. Good job I am actually pregnant or I could be really offended by strangers asking how far gone I am. What If I just packed a few pounds… there would be a few black eyes that’s for sure! I have to say that of all things I didn’t expect pregnancy to teach me, it is that some people are genuinely very lovely. Also highlights those that really couldn’t give a damn and never actually bother to ask how you are, not with any feeling or interest anyway. Not that that worries me actually, it is just eye opening.
Speaking of eye openers I have been on a few training courses recently and just finished another one today. I am not the type of person that needs people to blow smoke up my arse, nor tell me when I’ve f*cked up as it is completely obvious, but every now and again a bit of feedback wouldn’t go amiss. It is usually the way that whenever you receive any kind of feedback it tends to be on the negative, what needs to change, what needs to develop, how you can be better and rarely on what you do well and why that is good. I think that is feedback for me in itself actually, perhaps I need to pay more attention!
Anyway having been surrounded with feedback after feedback which has been great, I have been told twice in the last 2 weeks by completely different people that I can slit throats with velvet gloves… hmm, unclear if that’s a good or bad thing actually but having been said twice I guess I need to take this on board. Not sure that I want to slit anyone’s throat, nor wear velvet gloves to be honest, but it is apparently what I do. Other feedback is that I am really tough and highly critical of myself. It was therefore really nice to find out that people don’t think I am as useless as I’m led to believe and somewhere, somewhere within me there are a few things that I do quite well and colleagues appreciate me. Who’d have thought it?!
Following some fab learning experiences I am now looking forward to the Christmas period and the very busy few weeks ahead. The lack of alcohol over this time of year is really tough, and whilst I have not been a heavy drinker, a few glasses of wine and a gallon or two of Baileys would be awesome. Oh well, all the sacrifices, at least I will have a little baby to show for it and not a defunct liver!
My husband is out all night tonight which is great! The house to myself, the remote to myself and the Christmas decorations that I can put up without the whinging in the background about unravelling the lights and passing me baubles. It’s heaven. Saying that he is staying in a posh hotel with some bird, though he assures me they are in separate rooms and he won’t get too drunk… well as long as he is back looking presentable in the morning as we have some baby shopping to do. Then we have the annual Christmas stupidity, present swapping and traditional chrimbo meal with our best friends before we all go to a black tie ball for a bit of dancing and people watching. Me and Woogs can rest our bumps and watch the men get drunk and make fools of themselves as usual! Then Sunday we have a wedding and possibly a bit more dancing to do late into the evening. I think I will struggle to fight back my tears of for the happy bride. I find myself getting incredibly upset by the smallest of things which have me running to the loo to hide myself away. Ah, it will be such a lovely day and I’m very excited for her!
