It’s inevitable that a growing baby inside you is going to make you slightly larger than before and yes of course things are going to change, your body is going to alter and the positions you used to be able to get into are no longer. Not those kind of positions before you start wondering (though a fair point!) just simple things actually like bending down. Seriously I just don’t think my stomach can grow anymore. I am only a fairly small framed person and carrying almost 3 stone extra and a 41 inch waist, a good 14 inches bigger than my previous self and still growing, is going to have some kind of impact.
Having had a dodgy back and hips before my pregnancy I figured I might suffer a bit towards the end, but didn’t quite anticipate that I would look like a round blob with a huge gut, a fat face, swollen ankles, veins where veins never were before, boobs that sit on my belly, no belly button as my tummy is that stretched, 10 minutes to turn over from one side to the other in bed and a waddle that puts penguins to shame. I think it’s fair to say that if I grow any more I will probably end up in a granny mobile to move around in and require a crane to take me to the hospital to squeeze the bugger out if my stomach doesn’t explode beforehand. It’s not all bad – I don’t have any stretch marks yet!
Well. It’s just 8 weeks to D-day… assuming all goes to plan, which let’s face it, very rarely happens. Hmm the prospect of being a mum brings happiness to my mind like I have never had before, but facing the labour before brings nothing but fear, horrifying thoughts, panic and doom. Yeah everyone says you soon forget after… brilliant but it’s not the after I am worried about, it’s the during. The more drugs available the better. Shove this natural birth stuff, what are you trying to prove? If the technology is there to take the pain away, why put yourself through more unnecessary trauma. My birth plan is simple… the closer to unconscious the better!
So other than moving like a penguin, looking like an obese beached whale when lying down and being brutally attacked inside by the karate kid with serious attitude I seem to be spawning, there are some positives to being pregnant other than of course seeing my beautiful daughter when she arrives.
The benefits, yep they are hmm, let’s see… well, there’s the fact that now everyone talks to my stomach rather than to my face, I’m molested by complete strangers that can’t help but to touch my stomach whilst asking it when it’s due (don’t like to tell them that she can’t speak yet), finding out things about other women’s lower regions when I barely even know their names, getting hostile looks by bitter jealous women that can’t find a shag let alone find someone with half decent genes to father their child, the constant horror stories true or otherwise, the vast wisdom on good parenting as clearly every parent is an expert in everything, and the … well as you can see, other than the end product, being pregnant doesn’t come with a package of listed benefits.
Whilst I have enjoyed being pregnant and feeling my baby move, now I am just too large, tired, generally a bit fed up, uncomfortable 24 hours per day, in pain and a tad tetchy at not getting it as much as I need anymore. Husband also tetchy! That said, there are some very caring and understanding people out there that make things feel better and whilst few and far between they are the ones that matter to me. I did actually get a kiss, cuddle, wink (so to speak!) and a belly rub from a very lovely man that is allowed to do all of those things anytime he wants. He has permission and yes I did confess to my husband! The rest will just vanish with their niceties along with my large waist hopefully.
So there isn’t long to go. The nursery is practically ready, the cot has been made up in case she makes an early appearance, the emergency bag has a couple of bits in it though is working progress and the baby’s wardrobe is more full than my own. NCT classes have started and are surprisingly not as tree hugging as I had anticipated, so I am happy about that. My maternity cover is sorted (bet they love him more than me and resent me when I come back and turf him out!) and my back up birthing partner confirmed! Hee, I say confirmed, she was just told really. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I think she would be fabulous, I trust her implicitly and I would want no one else to support… but jeez having to stand by and watch all manner of stuff coming out of someone you have only known for a few years would certainly put a whole new perspective on things… that’s some self insight you can do without!!
